Hello, Dolly

I think I need to clone myself. I've realized that I like giving one-on-one help to my students much more than I enjoy lecturing in front of a sea of mildly-interested faces. However, it's almost impossible to give quality attention to all of them. I loved helping them discover worlds of microscopic life this week, but it wasn't easy assisting all of them with their preparations, focusing, and identifications. I think the key next time is probably to set up stations through which they cycle during the period, with some stations that are "easier" and don't require teacher assistance. I still remember the frustrations of staring into the ocular lens of a microscope, wondering what the heck I was meant to be observing. So, I can empathize with their confusion and I love helping to erase it, but it definitely required more energy than I anticipated. It was freaky, too, to hear myself saying words that I remember hearing from a professor during a similar lab activity: "Oh, this is beautiful! It's the best prep I've seen all day!"

I also never fathomed how much can be accomplished within a 5-minute period. I ridiculously planned labs for two periods which are different preps, back to back. In the 5 minutes between classes I cleared materials from 4th, gathered papers, erased the board, found & reviewed my notes for 5th, brought out supplies for 5th, and answered about a bazillion student questions. Whew. The lesson here is to plan more wisely; if both ES & Bio are doing labs on the same day, I should organize the materials more efficiently and utilize other space in the room besides the front table. I know, it seems intuitive, but I often don't anticipate my mistakes; I have to experience them.

On a brighter note, even though my opening Powerpoint lecture induced several students to snooze, I was happy with one of my lessons on Friday. As for the students, their slumber could possibly have been temperature-induced, since the ones near the cracked window were wide awake (shivering, even) but those further away were struggling. At any rate, I hit at least four learning styles: visual, auditory, intrapersonal, and kinesthetic. Whether or not they actually internalized anything remains to be discovered, but at least I know I tried.

Another realization from this week is the importance of sleep (outside of school, that is). I have such a hard time exhibiting a "poker face" at any given time, but especiallly when I'm tired. I can't help it; I have a very low laughter threshold. And let's face it, adolescents are often just funny, whether it's their drama, apathy, or genuine wit. The minute I show even a hint of a smirk or smile when trying to portray some semblance of authority, students stop taking you seriously. I had to turn around and hide my face several times toward the end of the week. Sure, I want them to have fun and enjoy my class, but I don't want to come across as a shallow pushover, either.

I thought I was doing such a good job of staying organized, and then I realized I've misplaced the quizzes I gave on Friday. I'm hoping my mentor took them home by mistake. Hey, maybe he'll even grade them for me - ha! Doubtful. In the meantime, I shall endeavour to construct foolproof, meaningful, relevant, engaging lessons that will inspire even the most lackadaisical student to participate.

Blonde, but not dumb

I'm sure the day will come when one or more of my students succeeds in duping me, but so far I've tried to be two steps ahead of them. One young man insisted I had graded his test incorrectly and demanded more points for three of his answers to true/false questions. He had taken the exam in pencil, marking the answers "T", and then added a line in black ink to change them to "F," the correct answer. He then tried to convince me that those were his original answers. Riiiiight. I feel badly for reprimanding him in front of several other students, but it actually made me laugh. Do I look that obtuse? My mentor wanted to give him a zero. I probably should have.

I made a deliberate attempt today to comply with theory and change instruction every 15-20 minutes. Consequently, I think I overloaded my Earth Science students. Part of the problem is that they have become so accustomed to sitting and mindlessly copying notes for an entire hour or doing bookwork that they haven't learned how to transition efficiently (or at all!) from one activity to another. There's a part of me that wants to agree with my mentor and use whatever tactic keeps them calm, but busywork is so incredibly dull to me. In retrospect, I probably should have started by easing them into a new schedule slowly, not adding too many new things at once. I had to smile inwardly when I overheard one student say, "Is this, like, some modern way of teaching?" No, dear, it's more like a desperate attempt to keep you all awake.

I totally enjoyed seeing the Biology students' reactions as they checked their experiments today. Yesterday they dispersed throughout the school, culturing samples from various places onto petri dishes. I loved seeing their horrified faces today as they discovered just how ubiquitous bacteria are. "Eewww! You mean that was growing in the water fountain?" I can't wait for them to play with swamp water tomorrow.

Wide-eyed

That's about how I feel when I look back and reflect on the last week or so. There are a bazillion things I should be doing right now, but I'm hoping that if I take the time periodically to record bits of this journey along the way, maybe I'll have some sort of evidence at the end that I've gotten better at this.

I realize the importance of "answering questions with questions," but I'm learning that sometimes it can weary the student. Asking the right questions is key, of course, and it's fun when students realize their own answer is correct without needing the approval of their teacher. Sometimes too many questions can be frustrating to a student, though. I realized that I often ask "why" after a student finally gives the correct response, which makes some students question themselves and forget the point. Maybe it's better to respond with "Yes, why do you think that?" or "Right, how do you know?", but I fear those questions may just be ignored by the student who only cares about getting the right answer.

I knew this would be hard. Last week I was pretty shell-shocked and overwhelmed, but this week I'm just finding everything comical. I knew going into this that I have a lot to learn, but I don't think I was ready for how impatient I'd get with myself. I like to do things well, and I am hyper-critical of myself. I stink at this. I can't stand how impatient I am . . . I just want to be a good teacher now, without having to endure all the learning experiences along the way. I hate that I can't explain things well, that people sleep during class (and even during a test, for crying out loud . . . so it can't possibly mean I'm the sole soporific factor here), and that it takes me so long to prep for each day.

I knew I'd be tired. I've had 50+ hour/week jobs before. I can deal with fatigue. I just wasn't ready for how much teaching consumes your life. I'm used to jobs that allow you to leave work at work. There's always one more thing to read, prepare, photocopy, grade, record, research, plan, create. When the junk am I supposed to study for the Praxis, write my portfolio, update my resume, and look for a job? I find relief in the fact that plenty of people have done this before, so it's hardly impossible. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but this is madness. I have to make myself go to bed at night, and just leave things undone. Consequently, I fell asleep during the first faculty meeting of my life. Nice work, I know. Way to set myself up for a great recommendation once the job hunt starts.

My fourth period is a circus. A playground. My mentor apologized today for handing them over to me in "this condition." I refuse to resort to babysitting them with bookwork, as he suggests. I know it's necessary sometimes (independent practice, right?), but I feel guilty when they are doing busywork continuously. I hate that I'm not mean enough yet. I hate that I think Earth Science is boring (yes, I admit it), and I therefore have limited creative ideas for teaching it. I hate that I don't know what to do with my students (yes, that's plural) who can't read, and can't subtract 1400 from 1600. I love their energy, though. I just wish I knew how to channel it. I got mad today and gave them a quiz, and made their test for tomorrow extra hard. I know that's poor practice ... using punishments related to learning, because it only perpetuates the idea that school is a jail. Grrrr. I wish I could fast forward my life to 5 years from now (will it take that long?) when I have this business under my belt.

Although, on second thought, a seasoned teacher recently told me that if I ever get to the point where I think I've "arrived" at teaching, I've probably gone stagnant or burned out. I should just get over it, I guess, and try to do the best I can. I'm better than I was last week (I hope), and that's about all I can say. Enough rambling for one day. Tomorrow will be better . . . even if I am getting observed . . . on my birthday. :) His critique and advice is the most helpful present I could ask for right now.