Wide-eyed
That's about how I feel when I look back and reflect on the last week or so. There are a bazillion things I should be doing right now, but I'm hoping that if I take the time periodically to record bits of this journey along the way, maybe I'll have some sort of evidence at the end that I've gotten better at this.
I realize the importance of "answering questions with questions," but I'm learning that sometimes it can weary the student. Asking the right questions is key, of course, and it's fun when students realize their own answer is correct without needing the approval of their teacher. Sometimes too many questions can be frustrating to a student, though. I realized that I often ask "why" after a student finally gives the correct response, which makes some students question themselves and forget the point. Maybe it's better to respond with "Yes, why do you think that?" or "Right, how do you know?", but I fear those questions may just be ignored by the student who only cares about getting the right answer.
I knew this would be hard. Last week I was pretty shell-shocked and overwhelmed, but this week I'm just finding everything comical. I knew going into this that I have a lot to learn, but I don't think I was ready for how impatient I'd get with myself. I like to do things well, and I am hyper-critical of myself. I stink at this. I can't stand how impatient I am . . . I just want to be a good teacher now, without having to endure all the learning experiences along the way. I hate that I can't explain things well, that people sleep during class (and even during a test, for crying out loud . . . so it can't possibly mean I'm the sole soporific factor here), and that it takes me so long to prep for each day.
I knew I'd be tired. I've had 50+ hour/week jobs before. I can deal with fatigue. I just wasn't ready for how much teaching consumes your life. I'm used to jobs that allow you to leave work at work. There's always one more thing to read, prepare, photocopy, grade, record, research, plan, create. When the junk am I supposed to study for the Praxis, write my portfolio, update my resume, and look for a job? I find relief in the fact that plenty of people have done this before, so it's hardly impossible. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but this is madness. I have to make myself go to bed at night, and just leave things undone. Consequently, I fell asleep during the first faculty meeting of my life. Nice work, I know. Way to set myself up for a great recommendation once the job hunt starts.
My fourth period is a circus. A playground. My mentor apologized today for handing them over to me in "this condition." I refuse to resort to babysitting them with bookwork, as he suggests. I know it's necessary sometimes (independent practice, right?), but I feel guilty when they are doing busywork continuously. I hate that I'm not mean enough yet. I hate that I think Earth Science is boring (yes, I admit it), and I therefore have limited creative ideas for teaching it. I hate that I don't know what to do with my students (yes, that's plural) who can't read, and can't subtract 1400 from 1600. I love their energy, though. I just wish I knew how to channel it. I got mad today and gave them a quiz, and made their test for tomorrow extra hard. I know that's poor practice ... using punishments related to learning, because it only perpetuates the idea that school is a jail. Grrrr. I wish I could fast forward my life to 5 years from now (will it take that long?) when I have this business under my belt.
Although, on second thought, a seasoned teacher recently told me that if I ever get to the point where I think I've "arrived" at teaching, I've probably gone stagnant or burned out. I should just get over it, I guess, and try to do the best I can. I'm better than I was last week (I hope), and that's about all I can say. Enough rambling for one day. Tomorrow will be better . . . even if I am getting observed . . . on my birthday. :) His critique and advice is the most helpful present I could ask for right now.
I realize the importance of "answering questions with questions," but I'm learning that sometimes it can weary the student. Asking the right questions is key, of course, and it's fun when students realize their own answer is correct without needing the approval of their teacher. Sometimes too many questions can be frustrating to a student, though. I realized that I often ask "why" after a student finally gives the correct response, which makes some students question themselves and forget the point. Maybe it's better to respond with "Yes, why do you think that?" or "Right, how do you know?", but I fear those questions may just be ignored by the student who only cares about getting the right answer.
I knew this would be hard. Last week I was pretty shell-shocked and overwhelmed, but this week I'm just finding everything comical. I knew going into this that I have a lot to learn, but I don't think I was ready for how impatient I'd get with myself. I like to do things well, and I am hyper-critical of myself. I stink at this. I can't stand how impatient I am . . . I just want to be a good teacher now, without having to endure all the learning experiences along the way. I hate that I can't explain things well, that people sleep during class (and even during a test, for crying out loud . . . so it can't possibly mean I'm the sole soporific factor here), and that it takes me so long to prep for each day.
I knew I'd be tired. I've had 50+ hour/week jobs before. I can deal with fatigue. I just wasn't ready for how much teaching consumes your life. I'm used to jobs that allow you to leave work at work. There's always one more thing to read, prepare, photocopy, grade, record, research, plan, create. When the junk am I supposed to study for the Praxis, write my portfolio, update my resume, and look for a job? I find relief in the fact that plenty of people have done this before, so it's hardly impossible. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but this is madness. I have to make myself go to bed at night, and just leave things undone. Consequently, I fell asleep during the first faculty meeting of my life. Nice work, I know. Way to set myself up for a great recommendation once the job hunt starts.
My fourth period is a circus. A playground. My mentor apologized today for handing them over to me in "this condition." I refuse to resort to babysitting them with bookwork, as he suggests. I know it's necessary sometimes (independent practice, right?), but I feel guilty when they are doing busywork continuously. I hate that I'm not mean enough yet. I hate that I think Earth Science is boring (yes, I admit it), and I therefore have limited creative ideas for teaching it. I hate that I don't know what to do with my students (yes, that's plural) who can't read, and can't subtract 1400 from 1600. I love their energy, though. I just wish I knew how to channel it. I got mad today and gave them a quiz, and made their test for tomorrow extra hard. I know that's poor practice ... using punishments related to learning, because it only perpetuates the idea that school is a jail. Grrrr. I wish I could fast forward my life to 5 years from now (will it take that long?) when I have this business under my belt.
Although, on second thought, a seasoned teacher recently told me that if I ever get to the point where I think I've "arrived" at teaching, I've probably gone stagnant or burned out. I should just get over it, I guess, and try to do the best I can. I'm better than I was last week (I hope), and that's about all I can say. Enough rambling for one day. Tomorrow will be better . . . even if I am getting observed . . . on my birthday. :) His critique and advice is the most helpful present I could ask for right now.
posted by Kat at
7:44 PM
2 Comments:
Sleeping through a faculty meeting may be the best way to get through one. :) You have my sympathy, truly. When I was doing my MAT, I fell asleep in one of my seminars. There were only two of us in it and I was sitting right in front of the professor in his office. I can still feel the horror...
By
phd me, at 5:00 PM
I feel your pain. I've never slept through a faculty meeting, but I've managed to get lots of papers graded and a good bit of planning done during them (hint: always sit in the back).
Not to discourage you, but after 18 years of teaching, I still don't feel like I've "got it under my belt." You do learn coping strategies, you do develop your own resources, and the time commitment does become less with practice (but always more than with most jobs, I think). However, the exhaustion you describe never really seems to go away--I notice it most when we return from the summer break. Somehow I always manage to forget just how very hard we work until I'm back in the saddle. Like Polly observes, though, it is rewarding and challenging, and rarely ever boring (unless you become seduced by the siren of busy-work like some veterans I know). Hang in there--it will get better.
By
Anonymous, at 11:22 AM
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