This life
I remember learning in grad school that most teachers do not make it past the 5-year mark ... they teach 5 years and then move on to a different career. I mention this because I had several conversations lately with people where I discussed the fact that I can't see doing this for another 20+ years until retirement.
I love my job (for the most part), but don't love the energy it requires 10 months out of my year. I don't love having to be "on" all the time. Maybe it's my personality, but sometimes I just don't feel like standing in front of a class 5 times a day and giving it my all. Because if I gave it less than my all, I'd be dissatisfied with myself, and feel I'd be cheating my kids out of the "rigorous educational opportunity" I'm paid to provide them.
Honestly, if I hadn't had a job previously where I came home in the evenings and left ALL of work at work, I don't think I'd mind so much. I wouldn't know any differently. Having had a job once where I could come home, work out, cook dinner, meet friends for dinner, shop, or just chill out ... I know how nice it can be. I do think I've gotten better at leaving work earlier since I started teaching, but I don't have as much energy in the evenings to do things I once did. Maybe I'm just older??
Which begs the question, if this job feels hard now, how will I feel in my mid-40s ... or 50s? This job has aged me considerably, or maybe it's just time ... but I have lines & wrinkles that I didn't have 5 years ago. For the first time in my life, I can understand why some women fork out exorbitant amounts of money for Botox injections & face lifts.
I'm not sure what else I'd do, if I didn't teach. It absorbs so much of my life that it has become a huge part of my identity. I feel like I'd be abandoning my career in a way ... but I don't feel the need to stay rooted to a career just to be one of the committed ones who victoriously survives. I have plenty of interests, but don't really want to start building up school debts again ... I think I'd like to try teaching adults, but would probably need more education or experience to do that.
I do love having my summers to travel, but hate the contrived life that teaching brings. Heaven forbid I oversleep (one of my biggest nightmares!!) one day ... there are 100 little faces waiting for me to guide them through their day. I don't think I'm bored ... my day is never dull, and I am constantly revising my LPs to make them current & tailored for my students. (If grad school taught me anything, it was the discipline & power of reflection!) Each year has brought its own set of challenges and has stretched me in different ways, and helped me expand my teaching skills.
Since the Type-A in me needs a "plan" in response to this, I think I need to focus my energies a little bit each week on small successes, and record things that I do love about my job: the lesson that exceeds my expectations, the hilarious comment by the unsuspecting kid, the rewarding triumphance of a child who makes the right choice, the frivolously planned activity that actually propels itself and works well, the irresponsible (but completely age-appropriate) fashion choices of middle schoolers. Maybe that would keep me going for a bit more, and prevent the winter doldrums from taking their effect. If nothing else, it will help me smile at the end of each day, and remember why I'm doing what I'm doing, even though it doesn't mean I have to keep doing it forever!
I love my job (for the most part), but don't love the energy it requires 10 months out of my year. I don't love having to be "on" all the time. Maybe it's my personality, but sometimes I just don't feel like standing in front of a class 5 times a day and giving it my all. Because if I gave it less than my all, I'd be dissatisfied with myself, and feel I'd be cheating my kids out of the "rigorous educational opportunity" I'm paid to provide them.
Honestly, if I hadn't had a job previously where I came home in the evenings and left ALL of work at work, I don't think I'd mind so much. I wouldn't know any differently. Having had a job once where I could come home, work out, cook dinner, meet friends for dinner, shop, or just chill out ... I know how nice it can be. I do think I've gotten better at leaving work earlier since I started teaching, but I don't have as much energy in the evenings to do things I once did. Maybe I'm just older??
Which begs the question, if this job feels hard now, how will I feel in my mid-40s ... or 50s? This job has aged me considerably, or maybe it's just time ... but I have lines & wrinkles that I didn't have 5 years ago. For the first time in my life, I can understand why some women fork out exorbitant amounts of money for Botox injections & face lifts.
I'm not sure what else I'd do, if I didn't teach. It absorbs so much of my life that it has become a huge part of my identity. I feel like I'd be abandoning my career in a way ... but I don't feel the need to stay rooted to a career just to be one of the committed ones who victoriously survives. I have plenty of interests, but don't really want to start building up school debts again ... I think I'd like to try teaching adults, but would probably need more education or experience to do that.
I do love having my summers to travel, but hate the contrived life that teaching brings. Heaven forbid I oversleep (one of my biggest nightmares!!) one day ... there are 100 little faces waiting for me to guide them through their day. I don't think I'm bored ... my day is never dull, and I am constantly revising my LPs to make them current & tailored for my students. (If grad school taught me anything, it was the discipline & power of reflection!) Each year has brought its own set of challenges and has stretched me in different ways, and helped me expand my teaching skills.
Since the Type-A in me needs a "plan" in response to this, I think I need to focus my energies a little bit each week on small successes, and record things that I do love about my job: the lesson that exceeds my expectations, the hilarious comment by the unsuspecting kid, the rewarding triumphance of a child who makes the right choice, the frivolously planned activity that actually propels itself and works well, the irresponsible (but completely age-appropriate) fashion choices of middle schoolers. Maybe that would keep me going for a bit more, and prevent the winter doldrums from taking their effect. If nothing else, it will help me smile at the end of each day, and remember why I'm doing what I'm doing, even though it doesn't mean I have to keep doing it forever!
posted by Kat at
5:02 AM
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