Hmmm...

We've had a bit of wintry weather here lately, which means that the local news channels are broadcasting continuously, and seem only to report on weather-related issues. Heaven forbid we actually take a look at what's going on in the world when there's SNOW outside.

Anyway, the new favorite word among the newscasters seems to be "dicey." I've heard it from multiple anchors on multiple networks. Typically they are using this word to describe the roads and traveling conditions. I'm not criticizing their use of the word, but I'm a bit amazed that it's received such widespread usage. To be fair, it's fun enough to say, and it's an accurate assessment of the roads for the most part.

And yet ... I'm intrigued. Who started this? Why did it catch on so well among newscasters? Will it continue to be used for other news stories, like recalls or restaurant ratings? What will their next trendy adjective be?

Thoughts on reading

I met with other teachers today to discuss reading strategies ... because we realize this is an issue, but also because we need reading CEU credits. I'm grateful to be doing this, b/c I was trained to teach science, not reading, and I desperately want my kids to be good readers. I can't imagine not reading myself. In fact, whenever I'm between books, I almost feel lost ~ maybe I'm codependent on books (is that even possible?), but mostly I think I just enjoy it so much that I feel discontent and a bit "off" when I'm not engaged in a book.

Why don't kids have this same passion? Some kids do ... like the kid who read 300 pages of his new novel between classes or during lunch today. But for the most part, reading is not cool and definitely not fun in the minds of our 8th graders.

What's more, whenever I have asked my students to read primary source material on a particular topic, I try to make connections to their world or lives. Invariably, their connections always come from movies, a TV show, or a youtube clip. They never connect it to reading material, even a blog or discussion forum! I think their world is just so much more full of things that are flashy and can attract their attention ... so books hold no interest. Our curriculum director is a literacy specialist and she confirmed that the #1 reason kids are ever attracted to any particular book is because of the cover (makes sense to me).

At any rate, I'm happy to be in a school where these discussions happen, and where educators are willing to try new strategies relentlessly until we find something that "clicks" with our students. It's so different from a previous school where decisions were made by admins, and policies were dumped onto us without any real consideration for the needs of our students or the context of our school. While my school may lack all the resources to provide a variety of reading texts, at least the discussion happens, and people who spend the money are involved in the conversation.

You know what they say about hindsight

I have never been one of those people who are "ahead of the game." If it weren't for this job of teaching, I probably wouldn't have the meager organizational skills that I now possess. This profession has forced me to figure out better ways of managing the paper & other "stuff" in my life. That said, I feel like I missed the boat this year in one are of professional development. I've spent the past few weeks wondering why I didn't attempt Nat'l Boards this year.

Maybe it's just the facebook status updates from so many of my friends who are doing the process currently. It makes me feel a little remorseful that I didn't tackle it this year. It's also the last year that my state will pay for the process ... so I'm not sure when else I'll feasibly be able to afford it. Maybe the state budget will straighten itself out & they'll finally give us a raise ... not sure how likely that is, though.

At any rate, it's probably weird that I'm even considering this, given my last post about whether teaching is a long-term career for me anyway. However, I've always aimed high, and even if I don't teach forever, it makes sense to try to have the best credentials. Also, if I do go through this process, I should probably do it soon. The state is changing the standards and I'll probably be teaching new curriculum in a couple of years ... I'm not sure I want to be designing new lessons and plowing through the Boards at the same time. From what I hear, it's pretty time consuming.

One down side of being in a small charter school is that we don't always get the same info as a larger district - wish I'd have known a little earlier that this was the last year the state was footing the bill. I guess the bright side is that since so many of my friends are doing it this year, they'll have lots of good advice if/when I ever attempt the process!

This life

I remember learning in grad school that most teachers do not make it past the 5-year mark ... they teach 5 years and then move on to a different career. I mention this because I had several conversations lately with people where I discussed the fact that I can't see doing this for another 20+ years until retirement.

I love my job (for the most part), but don't love the energy it requires 10 months out of my year. I don't love having to be "on" all the time. Maybe it's my personality, but sometimes I just don't feel like standing in front of a class 5 times a day and giving it my all. Because if I gave it less than my all, I'd be dissatisfied with myself, and feel I'd be cheating my kids out of the "rigorous educational opportunity" I'm paid to provide them.

Honestly, if I hadn't had a job previously where I came home in the evenings and left ALL of work at work, I don't think I'd mind so much. I wouldn't know any differently. Having had a job once where I could come home, work out, cook dinner, meet friends for dinner, shop, or just chill out ... I know how nice it can be. I do think I've gotten better at leaving work earlier since I started teaching, but I don't have as much energy in the evenings to do things I once did. Maybe I'm just older??

Which begs the question, if this job feels hard now, how will I feel in my mid-40s ... or 50s? This job has aged me considerably, or maybe it's just time ... but I have lines & wrinkles that I didn't have 5 years ago. For the first time in my life, I can understand why some women fork out exorbitant amounts of money for Botox injections & face lifts.

I'm not sure what else I'd do, if I didn't teach. It absorbs so much of my life that it has become a huge part of my identity. I feel like I'd be abandoning my career in a way ... but I don't feel the need to stay rooted to a career just to be one of the committed ones who victoriously survives. I have plenty of interests, but don't really want to start building up school debts again ... I think I'd like to try teaching adults, but would probably need more education or experience to do that.

I do love having my summers to travel, but hate the contrived life that teaching brings. Heaven forbid I oversleep (one of my biggest nightmares!!) one day ... there are 100 little faces waiting for me to guide them through their day. I don't think I'm bored ... my day is never dull, and I am constantly revising my LPs to make them current & tailored for my students. (If grad school taught me anything, it was the discipline & power of reflection!) Each year has brought its own set of challenges and has stretched me in different ways, and helped me expand my teaching skills.

Since the Type-A in me needs a "plan" in response to this, I think I need to focus my energies a little bit each week on small successes, and record things that I do love about my job: the lesson that exceeds my expectations, the hilarious comment by the unsuspecting kid, the rewarding triumphance of a child who makes the right choice, the frivolously planned activity that actually propels itself and works well, the irresponsible (but completely age-appropriate) fashion choices of middle schoolers. Maybe that would keep me going for a bit more, and prevent the winter doldrums from taking their effect. If nothing else, it will help me smile at the end of each day, and remember why I'm doing what I'm doing, even though it doesn't mean I have to keep doing it forever!

So, it's been a while . . .

It's been a while since I blogged, and I'm not really quite sure why I stopped. I realize that I do enjoy writing to nobody in particular, so I imagine I will re-visit this from time to time.

So I am now teaching at a charter school, which has its pros and cons (doesn't every school??) I am happy to be starting my 2nd year at this school, so things don't seem quite as foreign or shocking. The great thing is that my 8th grade colleagues and I have a similar solidarity as far as our expectations are concerned . . . we have high standards and refuse to back down when kids whine, complain, and pitch their royal fits.

Today we convened as a middle school in the gym to listen to the President's speech. Despite the controversy over this occasion, I do think his message is appropriate. However, I guess the realist in me thinks it is going to take more than a Presidential speech to keep kids in school ... but I agree with the general idea.

I am continually reminded that, while 8th graders are entirely capable of forming their own ideas, much of what they say and do is actually a reflection of what their families and parents believe and have passed on to them. Several kids returned to class after the speech and were quite smug, somehow annoyed by the encouraging and respectful admonitions they had just heard. "He didn't even write that speech," one girl pointed out. Yes, and your point is ...? Don't most Presidents have speechwriters on staff, and isn't this well-known?? Another teacher enlightened her that, yes, Obama has a speechwriter on staff, as compared to President Bush, who employed thirteen. (Not sure of the source of this info, but it humored me nonetheless.)

So, needless to say, we have our work cut out for us this year. For the most part, I do enjoy my job, although I think I often like the idea of my job more than anything. I love being around young, impressionable minds who are the future of my world, and I love the idea that I have the opportunity to invest in their lives for a short while. I only hope that I can encourage them to be the best that they possibly can be, and that I can help them buy into the idea that they are the only ones who can achieve thier potential. Because, at the end of the day, the President will do his job running this country, and I will do my job, trying to educate the future of this same country. Hopefully, neither one of us will end our careers disappointed.

Was it that bad?

My mentor stopped in my classroom today . . . she does that periodically but hasn't been in a while. For some reason, my kids were extremely chatty today. I had to stop several times to get their attention & refocus, but we still covered all the material & had excellent discussions. In fact, much of their talking was centered around their work (they were analyzing a lab safety picture & I could hear them discussing it). So, the class wasn't perfect, but I definitely wouldn't call it unproductive or out of hand. It's almost refreshing to have them so interested in the topic that they want to talk about it.

Later, my mentor stopped by to placate the bureacracy (i.e., fill out meaningless paperwork that sits in a file somewhere in the elusive "downtown" area). She handed me a huge book on positive behavior management and suggested that I review it over the next week. I asked her, "Oh, is this an area where you feel I need improvement?" And she basically evaded the question by saying we all need reminders in this area, and that if kids know the procedures, they are more likely to follow directions. So, in a roundabout way, she was implying that my kids need more structure & should have the expectations stated more clearly (at least that's how I took it).

Of course, that's true. I can probably benefit by reviewing this book, but it just seemed a little pointed & blatant after she spent a mere 10 minutes observing an unusually talkative class. I don't remember yelling at them or singling out students (although I certainly could have) - things I'm definitely guilty of on weaker days. I'm very open to constructive criticism, but I felt belittled & criticized, and not helped at all.

All of the core teachers on team today said the kids were particularly talkative ~ apparently we all had difficulty today keeping them on track. So while I probably can benefit from this book and definitely do need reminders in this area, I don't think it's valid to judge my classroom management skills on this one day alone.

Grrrrrrr. I feel like I just unknowingly took a benchmark test, and my scores are being unfairly evaluated by that one little snapshot of my performance. Honestly, I don't really care if she thinks I'm an effective classroom manager (because I know I'm at least halfway decent, and my kids do learn). I just felt it was an unfair assessment. Maybe if she spent a little more time in that class she would realize that it was an abnormal day, and that kids are kids for crying out loud. They can't always be "managed," nor do they necessarily always need to be. I distinctly remember a great quote from one of my grad school texts (and I wish I could remember the source, but I'm too tired): "We should not think of kids as problems to be managed, but rather as resources to be developed."

Ha! Maybe I should dig up that source and suggest to my mentor that she do a little reading of her own this week. (Is that mean? Forgive me! I think I just need sleep!)

I think I'm also feeling very forgiving & defensive of my darling little talkative angels today. They were so sweet to me - my birthday was over the weekend, and two different students brought in cakes! (Granted, they knew I would share it with them, and kill 10 minutes or so of class, but hey - I was impressed.) One proudly boasted, "I baked it for you from scratch - all by myself!" and the other one special-ordered a bakery cake decorated in Hello Kitty (they know me so well). It was adorable. They may be monsters sometimes, but I do love those kids! They made getting older (almost) fun.

In her shoes

Somehow, I got suckered into agreeing to be "assistant principal for the day." My AP was out for 3 days, so she chose 3 of us to fill in for her. I spent some time wondering if I was chosen b/c I am vocally cynical about her job, but I'm honestly not (at least not this year). I think she's great. Anyhoo ... my day was Thursday.

I have to admit, I've always wanted a job that required a walkie talkie. It was highly enteretaining - I basically had a play-by-play of all the action on campus that day. The down side is that I was always reachable & was pulled in a jillion directions all day long. I spent most of the day chasing down kids & making sure they actually made it to class. And, instead of constantly asking kids things like "Please be quiet," "I need your attention," "Come on, let's focus - we can do this," I was yelling out "Let's move it! Get to class!"

It was curious, too, the way my own students reacted to me. At first I thought they assumed it was all a joke. I later figured out that they thought it was kind of cool . . . somehow, the walkie talkie was a symbol of power. They really did respond to me differently.

For example, I had to call a kid down to the office who happened to be my student. My job: to remind him of the deputy's warning, and tell him that if he continued to threaten a particular student, Deputy M would find him & prosecute. Normally, if I ask this kid to change his behavior in my class, I get a mouthful of lip and blatant disrespect. However, once he sat in "the principal's office" behind the shiny desk (my walkie prominently displayed on top), he was strangely speechless. He nodded his head whenever I spoke, and agreed not to harrass the student anymore. Amazing.

I think the worst part of the day was hearing "We need an administrator in Room B1." I couldn't figure out why this sounded familiar, and then it dawned on me - B1 is my classroom. The sub was at his wit's end with my 4th hour class, apparently. I threw the door open & gave them my best "I'm disappointed in you / this is entirely inappropriate / your behavior will have consequences" speech. I even stayed for the beginning of 5th hour and threatened them with their lives if they chose to misbehave.

I was absolutely astonished this morning when I read the sub's note for 5th hour: "Thank you for the talk. This class was great and should get a reward." I have never had a sub leave a note like that for a class. I almost cried I was so proud of them. I love the maternal moments that teaching can sometimes bring. And yes, I brought those babies breakfast this morning for being so wonderful (which probably really means they did 10% of their work & didn't throw things at the sub).

It was a decent day. I've never doubted that administrators work hard, especially at my school. It did give me a new appreciation for their job, though. While I get weary from the daily face-to-face interactions with 100+ students, admins are on the move all day long and can't really plan their day. I think that would drive me crazy - having to be completely flexible every moment of the day, always ready to drop what I'm doing & speed away to the latest emergency.

At any rate, I'm considering getting a walkie talkie ... even if I just pretend to radio someone once in a while, it's such a powerful tool. Who knew?!