Thoughts on reading

I met with other teachers today to discuss reading strategies ... because we realize this is an issue, but also because we need reading CEU credits. I'm grateful to be doing this, b/c I was trained to teach science, not reading, and I desperately want my kids to be good readers. I can't imagine not reading myself. In fact, whenever I'm between books, I almost feel lost ~ maybe I'm codependent on books (is that even possible?), but mostly I think I just enjoy it so much that I feel discontent and a bit "off" when I'm not engaged in a book.

Why don't kids have this same passion? Some kids do ... like the kid who read 300 pages of his new novel between classes or during lunch today. But for the most part, reading is not cool and definitely not fun in the minds of our 8th graders.

What's more, whenever I have asked my students to read primary source material on a particular topic, I try to make connections to their world or lives. Invariably, their connections always come from movies, a TV show, or a youtube clip. They never connect it to reading material, even a blog or discussion forum! I think their world is just so much more full of things that are flashy and can attract their attention ... so books hold no interest. Our curriculum director is a literacy specialist and she confirmed that the #1 reason kids are ever attracted to any particular book is because of the cover (makes sense to me).

At any rate, I'm happy to be in a school where these discussions happen, and where educators are willing to try new strategies relentlessly until we find something that "clicks" with our students. It's so different from a previous school where decisions were made by admins, and policies were dumped onto us without any real consideration for the needs of our students or the context of our school. While my school may lack all the resources to provide a variety of reading texts, at least the discussion happens, and people who spend the money are involved in the conversation.

You know what they say about hindsight

I have never been one of those people who are "ahead of the game." If it weren't for this job of teaching, I probably wouldn't have the meager organizational skills that I now possess. This profession has forced me to figure out better ways of managing the paper & other "stuff" in my life. That said, I feel like I missed the boat this year in one are of professional development. I've spent the past few weeks wondering why I didn't attempt Nat'l Boards this year.

Maybe it's just the facebook status updates from so many of my friends who are doing the process currently. It makes me feel a little remorseful that I didn't tackle it this year. It's also the last year that my state will pay for the process ... so I'm not sure when else I'll feasibly be able to afford it. Maybe the state budget will straighten itself out & they'll finally give us a raise ... not sure how likely that is, though.

At any rate, it's probably weird that I'm even considering this, given my last post about whether teaching is a long-term career for me anyway. However, I've always aimed high, and even if I don't teach forever, it makes sense to try to have the best credentials. Also, if I do go through this process, I should probably do it soon. The state is changing the standards and I'll probably be teaching new curriculum in a couple of years ... I'm not sure I want to be designing new lessons and plowing through the Boards at the same time. From what I hear, it's pretty time consuming.

One down side of being in a small charter school is that we don't always get the same info as a larger district - wish I'd have known a little earlier that this was the last year the state was footing the bill. I guess the bright side is that since so many of my friends are doing it this year, they'll have lots of good advice if/when I ever attempt the process!

This life

I remember learning in grad school that most teachers do not make it past the 5-year mark ... they teach 5 years and then move on to a different career. I mention this because I had several conversations lately with people where I discussed the fact that I can't see doing this for another 20+ years until retirement.

I love my job (for the most part), but don't love the energy it requires 10 months out of my year. I don't love having to be "on" all the time. Maybe it's my personality, but sometimes I just don't feel like standing in front of a class 5 times a day and giving it my all. Because if I gave it less than my all, I'd be dissatisfied with myself, and feel I'd be cheating my kids out of the "rigorous educational opportunity" I'm paid to provide them.

Honestly, if I hadn't had a job previously where I came home in the evenings and left ALL of work at work, I don't think I'd mind so much. I wouldn't know any differently. Having had a job once where I could come home, work out, cook dinner, meet friends for dinner, shop, or just chill out ... I know how nice it can be. I do think I've gotten better at leaving work earlier since I started teaching, but I don't have as much energy in the evenings to do things I once did. Maybe I'm just older??

Which begs the question, if this job feels hard now, how will I feel in my mid-40s ... or 50s? This job has aged me considerably, or maybe it's just time ... but I have lines & wrinkles that I didn't have 5 years ago. For the first time in my life, I can understand why some women fork out exorbitant amounts of money for Botox injections & face lifts.

I'm not sure what else I'd do, if I didn't teach. It absorbs so much of my life that it has become a huge part of my identity. I feel like I'd be abandoning my career in a way ... but I don't feel the need to stay rooted to a career just to be one of the committed ones who victoriously survives. I have plenty of interests, but don't really want to start building up school debts again ... I think I'd like to try teaching adults, but would probably need more education or experience to do that.

I do love having my summers to travel, but hate the contrived life that teaching brings. Heaven forbid I oversleep (one of my biggest nightmares!!) one day ... there are 100 little faces waiting for me to guide them through their day. I don't think I'm bored ... my day is never dull, and I am constantly revising my LPs to make them current & tailored for my students. (If grad school taught me anything, it was the discipline & power of reflection!) Each year has brought its own set of challenges and has stretched me in different ways, and helped me expand my teaching skills.

Since the Type-A in me needs a "plan" in response to this, I think I need to focus my energies a little bit each week on small successes, and record things that I do love about my job: the lesson that exceeds my expectations, the hilarious comment by the unsuspecting kid, the rewarding triumphance of a child who makes the right choice, the frivolously planned activity that actually propels itself and works well, the irresponsible (but completely age-appropriate) fashion choices of middle schoolers. Maybe that would keep me going for a bit more, and prevent the winter doldrums from taking their effect. If nothing else, it will help me smile at the end of each day, and remember why I'm doing what I'm doing, even though it doesn't mean I have to keep doing it forever!