Disheartened

Normally, I think I could blow off the events of today and not internalize them. I know I’m tired, frustrated with lackadaisical students, and need a break. So I didn’t respond very well when our bookkeeper questioned the receipts I turned in. She asked me for the specific Blockbuster receipt that listed the movies I’d rented. She also asked me about a soda on another receipt. I know she’s just trying to do her job, so I produced the BB receipt as requested, and tried very politely to explain that, yes, I did purchase a pack of sodas b/c I wanted the plastic connector thingie (it’s threatening to ocean animals) and we’re testing the effect of caffeine on heart rates on Friday. So, the soda was a 2-for-1 special, you might say.

She then lectured me about how I shouldn’t buy from chemical supply stores on my debit card, and that I’ve already spent the $ designated for science on my team for this year. My team, who encouraged me to get reimbursed in the first place, is now concerned that I’ve spent so much on consumables and is thinking of fundraisers for next year. I’m fine with that. I’ll even organize a few cheesy fundraisers if that’s what it takes to teach science.

I don’t get it. We’re pushed to teach inquiry-based science. We’re encouraged to use student-centered learning. We’re urged to move away from traditional education (bookwork, worksheets, lecturing) and to do more hands-on activities. I’m totally fine with all of this ~ it’s the way I was taught to teach, and I don’t really know how to teach differently. But teaching science usually involves doing science, and it’s kind of pointless to do labs & experiments as charades or mime, without the actual chemicals & supplies. The last month of my class (chemistry unit) was the best one yet ~ the kids were engaged every day, and they came in asking, “What are we doing today?” My class averages this quarter are all passing, which has never happened. (Granted, I’ve only taught 3 quarters in my entire career, but it still seems worth mentioning.) So, yes, hands-on education works, and kids seem to enjoy school when it’s taught that way. Why are questions raised when it costs money to do this?

Things like this make me want to work in a private school where parents fork out $ whenever it’s requested, where sending out a “wish list” actually gets considerable response, and where kids are behaved and don’t waste chemicals or spill things (which, surprisingly enough, cost money to replace!) I chose to work in this district for a reason; only 1 of my MAT subject cohorts is working here ~ it has a horrible reputation for discipline & gangs, & the school board is a royal mess. Which probably means that these kids are ideal candidates for activities, personalized learning, and student-centeredness.

I feel so defeated. If the district wants me to teach this way, then why doesn’t the budget support it? I feel like I shouldn’t spend any more $ the rest of this year. I know that won’t happen, because I don’t know how to teach strictly using a textbook. It would actually take more time & energy & effort to teach that way, and quite frankly, I don’t get paid enough to re-learn how to teach. Instead, I’ll continue to buy supplies in order to try & provide adequate experiences for my kids, and eat peanut butter sandwiches to compensate. It’s probably more than some of my kids eat, so I have no reason to complain, really.

I also found out that we’re going to have a baby All Star this year. One of our students is 5 months pregnant. I kind of suspected it, but didn’t want to believe it. This student is so bright, and super-talented. I know having a baby doesn’t change either of those things, but she already misses a ton of school, so the odds of her dropping out are probably high. Her dad was shot earlier this year, so she’s had a rough life already. I think about her a lot. Does she know about the importance of proper nutrition? Is she getting adequate medical care & scheduling doctor’s visits? Can she provide for her child? Will she stay in school? I feel like a grandparent, except I’m not exactly proud right now.

On the bright side: 2 of my crocuses are blooming, and the tulips are on their way. At least one little corner of my world is a brighter, prettier place today.

Yawn . . .

I'm exhausted, and it's only Monday. But, as my coworker reminded me on the way home, "we're 20% closer to Spring Break than we were this morning!"

I'm not entirely sure why I'm always so tired. I haven't been running more (or less, really). I take vitamins. I purposefully don't consume large lunches. Part of the reason for today's fatigue is probably due to the field trip on Friday . . . which went well, except for the parent who called the police at 8 pm b/c she couldn't find her child. No, we did not leave the kid at the beach. No, the kid was not "snatched up by some pervert," (which was the parent's main concern, other than yelling at me & my coworker in front of the police & several parents). The kid was picked up by her father (imagine that!) and apparently the 2 adults did not communicate well.

So, after that eventful day, I managed to give a bridal shower out of town & then spent most of Sunday planning for this week. My intention was to slide by on mediocre lesson plans this week & cruise into Spring Break, but I just learned that I'll have my 4th observation this week, so that plan failed. At least I can perhaps say, "Hey, the kids aren't usually like this . . . they must all have spring fever!" if my lessons flop. Of course, our kids are always nutty, so I'm a bit worried about how the last quarter will go.

Our field trip Friday makes me think a lot about how we're doing school these days. The kids were outside in small heterogeneous groups doing hands-on activities for an entire day. When I looked around, every kid was engaged in active learning. I know this isn't practical in current schools, but should we examine that? It seems like our schools have turned into community centers and social work centers, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, except that we haven't had a commensurate addition of resources to deal with the shift of needs. Anyhoo... I'm probably way too tired to philosophize on this completely.

Instead, I'll try to think coherently enough to plan an engaging lesson on ocean pollution for tomorrow. I think I'll drench a few kids in motor oil & have the rest of the class strategize about how to clean them up.

Strangely familiar

I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I plopped on the couch after school today and flipped through the channels, and actually watched about 10 minutes of the Maury Povitch show, which is essentially a Jerry Springer clone. It's bad enough that I got sucked into it, since it's basically junk food for the brain. I eventually turned it off to start laundry (much more productive), and realized the striking similarities.

The show is full of behavior I witness on a daily basis ~ loud accusations, lying, attempts at mediation, shouting, swearing, throwing furniture / punches, angry exits. Somehow I must have found it recognizable & intriguing, which is the only explanation for why I would ever waste 10 minutes of my life watching the show (my apologies to Maury).

It's scary, and humorous at the same time. I don't remember high school students being this dramatic, but maybe they were. Middle schoolers are a rare & curious breed, that's for sure.