Am I a terrible teacher already?
I know that Rome wasn't built in a day, and I can't mysteriously become an experienced teacher in just a few days. Every day is new, I tell myself, and full of new challenges, successes, and lessons. Friday was very disheartening to me, and I started to question why I am even trying to learn how to teach. I feel pretty good about most of my classes, except 5th period. From what I've heard so far, this is a common thread among all the new teachers at my school ~ and understandably so. Fifth period is immediately after lunch, the kids are rowdy, they're tired of being in school, I'm tired of being in school, any issues from the morning have escalated by this point in the day, and it's just plain hard.
Anyhoo, one of the APs stopped by my room on Friday and had heard I was having difficulty in one of my classes. He asked a few questions about the disruptive students, and gave a few tidbits about particular students for insight. He also said he would stop by my class (which he did today) to try to see what was happening.
I felt defeated already. I know this class is challenging, and I know I'm not alone in the 5th period battle. I feel like I'm doing the right things ~ talking to my team, rearranging schedules, separating "problem pairs" of students, contacting guidance when I notice issues between students, calling parents, modifiying seating charts, enlisting the help of my mentor teacher. However, somehow he still got a bad report about this class. Is it too loud? Are my students disrupting other classes? Does the front office listen in periodically & assess my classroom management style? Have parents complained? Did another teacher see me disciplining students in the hallway and report me to the AP? I know I'm far from perfect (and the first to admit my need for help) (at least in this area of my life), but I feel bad that administration is already "checking in" on me, since I know he didn't make similar visits to other ILT1s (who also struggle with their 5th periods).
I'm trying not to internalize it too much, but since I'm already super self-critical, it's hard. Maybe he really does just want to help, and make sure I feel supported so that I don't quit before Thanksgiving. Maybe he's concerned about the kids too, since he knows them all from last year and certainly doesn't want them to be starting this year off negatively. He did come to part of 5th today, and of course the kids were mildly well-mannered since he was in the room. I know I need help, so I suppose I should just be open & wait for his assessment.
But still, it makes me wonder. Am I that bad? Grrrrrrr.
Anyhoo, one of the APs stopped by my room on Friday and had heard I was having difficulty in one of my classes. He asked a few questions about the disruptive students, and gave a few tidbits about particular students for insight. He also said he would stop by my class (which he did today) to try to see what was happening.
I felt defeated already. I know this class is challenging, and I know I'm not alone in the 5th period battle. I feel like I'm doing the right things ~ talking to my team, rearranging schedules, separating "problem pairs" of students, contacting guidance when I notice issues between students, calling parents, modifiying seating charts, enlisting the help of my mentor teacher. However, somehow he still got a bad report about this class. Is it too loud? Are my students disrupting other classes? Does the front office listen in periodically & assess my classroom management style? Have parents complained? Did another teacher see me disciplining students in the hallway and report me to the AP? I know I'm far from perfect (and the first to admit my need for help) (at least in this area of my life), but I feel bad that administration is already "checking in" on me, since I know he didn't make similar visits to other ILT1s (who also struggle with their 5th periods).
I'm trying not to internalize it too much, but since I'm already super self-critical, it's hard. Maybe he really does just want to help, and make sure I feel supported so that I don't quit before Thanksgiving. Maybe he's concerned about the kids too, since he knows them all from last year and certainly doesn't want them to be starting this year off negatively. He did come to part of 5th today, and of course the kids were mildly well-mannered since he was in the room. I know I need help, so I suppose I should just be open & wait for his assessment.
But still, it makes me wonder. Am I that bad? Grrrrrrr.
posted by Kat at
5:07 PM
3 Comments:
No, you are not that bad! You're still learning your students; they're still learning you. You've just started the year (new teacher or not), so no one's really settled yet. It sounds like you're being quite creative in addressing the class problems - be proud of yourself for not giving up at the first sign of struggle!
Actually, you should feel slightly pleased that the AP came by to offer his help; too many administators are so disinterested in the classroom and more likely to stay in their offices to let the problems come to them. Hopefully he'll give you something you can use to keep moving forward with this class. At least he cares enough about his teachers to be involved when he could be of help.
I guarantee that you're a better teacher than you give yourself credit for. Hang in there!
By
phd me, at 6:57 PM
Okay, I am a brand new teacher and I am facing that same exact problem except during 7th period and 9th period. My 7th graders are just out of lunch 7th period and my 8th graders are out of control 9th. I keep blaming myself. Someone in my 9th period told me I am a bad teacher and that he was switching language courses next year. (I teach Italian). My 7th period class come in from lunch and is out of control. I can honestly say by 7th period my energy level is dying, and dying fast. How do I keep myself going? DO they sense my energy loss? Why CANT THEY BE MORE LIKE THERE 4th PERIOD brethren! Do they sense that I am new? I go home everyday thinking I am a horrible teacher.. I know some kids are learning and are doing well, but I still feel horrible for my horrible classroom management. =/ Why am I doing this again?
By
Unknown, at 8:31 PM
Although I'm not a fifth grade teacher, I still am new to it and having some of the same difficulties you are. I'm also super-critical so it was nice to hear that i'm not the only one who feels like their are "a bad teacher". It seems that quite often I just want to give up...would it be easier? Thanks for being so open and honest in your blog...
By
Unknown, at 4:17 PM
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