Wow.
I'm long overdue for posting on this blog, but it's certainly no indication of my reflective practice (just inspect my lesson planner for proof). I can't believe it's almost Spring Break. Time flies when you're having fun . . . theoretically, I guess. I wish I could say I was having fun. It feels more like mere survival instead of enjoyment, and I'm not sure I really like that.
This week I had days when I felt like there's no way I can ever do this. I'm trying to realize that I was, in fact, sick this week, so perhaps my medicine head was clouding my thinking. Plus, when I'm a "real" teacher, I won't have a portfolio and the Praxis looming over my head. I'm sure it won't be easy, but hopefully it will start to come more naturally. I definitely know I don't want my first job to be one that involves 3 preps. Part of me feels a little indignant towards other MATers who have only 1 prep, but I know this has been a good learning experience. I'm glad it hasn't been easy, because that's not reality. However, I feel like it should be getting easier by now, and for some reason, it's not. I'm not sure what my deal is. Over-analytical? Maybe. Perfectionist? Not exactly, but perhaps. Exhaustion? Sure. Too self-critical & impatient? Probably.
Anyway, moving on . . . I don't think I've necessarily lived a sheltered life, but I do think I sometimes have the fault of being a bit too naive. It took 3 theft incidences to convince me that I had not merely misplaced a few missing items, but that they had indeed been stolen. I was disappointed enough (mad, even) to give a mini-rant/lecture to 4th & 5th periods. I'm pretty sure that the alleged thief was absent that day, so he evaded any conscience-pricking that might have occurred, but at least I addressed the issue. 5th period does have a few angels who offered comments like, "Miss M, do you still wanna teach?" and "Miss M, you know we're not all like that!", and my personal favourite (despite its grammatical flaw), "How much was your laser pointer? Ima buy you a new one!" Ah well, live & learn.
I was observed Friday by 2 other science MATers, which was less nerve-wracking than I anticipated. Thankfully I was doing a lab that period, so once I gave a few initial instructions, I could circulate the room and feel a bit less conspicuous/scrutinized. They did give me plenty of helpful suggestions, which I'm trying to take constructively instead of becoming overly self-deprecating. Apparently I need a better "teacher voice," which is excellent advice that I unfortunately don't know quite how to implement. I already feel like I'm yelling as it is, but D. said he could hardly hear me in the back of the room. Curious, indeed. I just can't believe my mentor hasn't been telling me these types of things. Unless I explicitly ask his opinion, he basically tells me I'm doing fine. That's a terribly vague statement. Plus, I don't want just to be "doing fine;" I want to improve and get better at this.
On a more positive note, I do love my ESL class, and not just because they were the only class brave enough to taste the edible fungi. I'm sure it's partly due to the smaller class size, but these students actually seem the most engaged of all my classes. They appear to care about their education for the most part. They're also polite, humorous, and have an endearing sense of community among them. It's often hard to think of how to modify instruction for such a diverse group of students, but I love their inquisitiveness (even though they often stump me), and it challenges me to think of analogies and different ways of explaining things. I feel like they get cheated a bit because it's 6th period ~ I'm so tired & often a bit more impatient by then, but I do like ending the day on a bright note.
Plenty more thoughts are rolling around in my head, but that's enough for one sitting.
This week I had days when I felt like there's no way I can ever do this. I'm trying to realize that I was, in fact, sick this week, so perhaps my medicine head was clouding my thinking. Plus, when I'm a "real" teacher, I won't have a portfolio and the Praxis looming over my head. I'm sure it won't be easy, but hopefully it will start to come more naturally. I definitely know I don't want my first job to be one that involves 3 preps. Part of me feels a little indignant towards other MATers who have only 1 prep, but I know this has been a good learning experience. I'm glad it hasn't been easy, because that's not reality. However, I feel like it should be getting easier by now, and for some reason, it's not. I'm not sure what my deal is. Over-analytical? Maybe. Perfectionist? Not exactly, but perhaps. Exhaustion? Sure. Too self-critical & impatient? Probably.
Anyway, moving on . . . I don't think I've necessarily lived a sheltered life, but I do think I sometimes have the fault of being a bit too naive. It took 3 theft incidences to convince me that I had not merely misplaced a few missing items, but that they had indeed been stolen. I was disappointed enough (mad, even) to give a mini-rant/lecture to 4th & 5th periods. I'm pretty sure that the alleged thief was absent that day, so he evaded any conscience-pricking that might have occurred, but at least I addressed the issue. 5th period does have a few angels who offered comments like, "Miss M, do you still wanna teach?" and "Miss M, you know we're not all like that!", and my personal favourite (despite its grammatical flaw), "How much was your laser pointer? Ima buy you a new one!" Ah well, live & learn.
I was observed Friday by 2 other science MATers, which was less nerve-wracking than I anticipated. Thankfully I was doing a lab that period, so once I gave a few initial instructions, I could circulate the room and feel a bit less conspicuous/scrutinized. They did give me plenty of helpful suggestions, which I'm trying to take constructively instead of becoming overly self-deprecating. Apparently I need a better "teacher voice," which is excellent advice that I unfortunately don't know quite how to implement. I already feel like I'm yelling as it is, but D. said he could hardly hear me in the back of the room. Curious, indeed. I just can't believe my mentor hasn't been telling me these types of things. Unless I explicitly ask his opinion, he basically tells me I'm doing fine. That's a terribly vague statement. Plus, I don't want just to be "doing fine;" I want to improve and get better at this.
On a more positive note, I do love my ESL class, and not just because they were the only class brave enough to taste the edible fungi. I'm sure it's partly due to the smaller class size, but these students actually seem the most engaged of all my classes. They appear to care about their education for the most part. They're also polite, humorous, and have an endearing sense of community among them. It's often hard to think of how to modify instruction for such a diverse group of students, but I love their inquisitiveness (even though they often stump me), and it challenges me to think of analogies and different ways of explaining things. I feel like they get cheated a bit because it's 6th period ~ I'm so tired & often a bit more impatient by then, but I do like ending the day on a bright note.
Plenty more thoughts are rolling around in my head, but that's enough for one sitting.
posted by Kat at
7:16 PM
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